and we will send you reeling from decimated dreams

Sunday, January 29, 2006

question: hi karen. when will we find hot promdates? hahaha :D -diaNe

when the gods allow us to find hot promdates... which would be like, never. haha! the powers that be are agaisnt us.

when you grow up, will you be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned? 11:28 PM

Saturday, January 28, 2006

i have a new question whatever thingy. use it people! i'm insanely pathetic right now... :))

oh!! my mom's been so hyped up about chinese new year. i have no idea why... i mean, woh~e don't even have like, just a drop of chinese blood! i swear, i think my mom's going psycho on us. :) we were forced to stay up last night to celebrate chinese new year. at least my mom's excited abotu something.... right? if insane things'll make her happy then, we shall participate

i'm going psycho too cos of the whole research paper thing. turns out that other people claim that the poem was made when he was imprisoned during world war 2 not during martial law. i've been researching since forever and i still can't confirm it. how am i supposed to make rps4 if i'm not even sure if my crapass thesis is right. how am i supposed to make notecards if i don't have the right resource thingies? how'd english become so complicated? it used to be an uber easy subject. god is punishing me. i'm been a very bad person daw. :)) i'm hungry. i'll eat first then i'll update this thing.

ciao bella!

when you grow up, will you be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned? 7:55 PM

Saturday, January 14, 2006

i have a new husband! his name is matthew long. he's uber hot!

i'll update this thing later... i'm too sleepy to type

when you grow up, will you be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned? 7:57 AM

Sunday, January 08, 2006

craaaaaaaaaap! i'm still cramming everything. too much stuff to do! so little time! ciao bella!

shout out!
i have no idea how other people got sucked into this... dear, i swear to god i say all of this with all my love for you... i never shut down because of anything that happened between me and him. i admit, i might have been bitter about the stupid thing for a few weeks but that ended when martina told me to stop bitching because he is so not worth that... i'm bitter? dude, as of now, i don't really take note of who he likes or dislikes, i don't check out his crush's blog and most importantly, i actually talk to him. i'm bitter? you can't even talk to or last i heard, even just look at *****... i'm sorry if i sound really mean. i really don't want to be mean to you.

but those people aren't really the main topic so i should stop talking about them now. i love you, i swear i do! i stopped talking to you cos i was so sick of you not talking to me. you're telling me that i suddenly stopped being normal? think about it man... i told you everything. from beginning to end, you knew what went down. the question is, did you do the same? you're giving me a speech about how i never talk to you guys anymore? and that you were all alone and you had no one to talk to so you found new friends? i would have been there for you honey, but the thing is, you never even considered running to me. if you only tried to, then mabe you'd know that i'd never turn you down no matter what i was going through. you totally knew when everything that happened to me began... i'm not even sure i can say the same about you... you don't know why you and ******n can surpass anything? uhh... maybe its because you actually trust her with stuff. maybe you don't tell her everything but you actually tell her something. i know its your prerogative to tell your shit to whoever you want to but... dude, it sucks that i have to solve riddles just to know what's actually happening to you. you don't get it. i don't know when we started drifting apart but when we did, it happened big time. i swear, it was like we were oceans apart. you just suddenly stopped talking so i stopped listening. maybe it was unfair for me to expect more from you when we grew closer but, i dunno... i just thought that you would eventually trust me... i guess i was asking too much and i know i shouldn't have. i was especially pissed at you when you could reveal to the world that you had a promdate and shit and you couldn't even tell me that, i swear that hurt because i thought even that minimal info, you could've entrusted me with that but i guess i was getting ahead of myself again. you text me something and when i ask you about it, you suddenly decide not to say anything? that sucks... that was right through the heart...

we're not like we were 3 years ago because we changed. i admit i am at fault for most of the things that happened but how do you expect me to trust someone who doesn't trust me? i'm sorry if i ruined your evening. i swear, it wasn't my intention. i mean, lets face it, my bitchfit didn't really affect your night right? i'm sorry. i never meant to hurt you or anything but it sucks to pretend that everything's fine when they're really not. maybe you're right... maybe this isn't exactly the best way to resolve this. maybe we should just talk about it or something... i dunno... in any case, this'll be last hirit about the whole thing. i don't want this thing to get any worse cos i don't wanna lose you so...

I'M REALLY REALLY SORRY. ACCEPT MY SINCEREST APOLOGY. DESPITE EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENING, I STILL LOVE YOU AND WHATEVER HAPPENS, EVEN IF THIS THING DOESN'T GET FIXED, I WILL STILL LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE MY FRIEND. :)

I LOVE YOU DANICA AMANDA DANS LOPEZ

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when you grow up, will you be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned? 1:45 AM

Saturday, January 07, 2006

All hail the alien spy!

i'm not nagging or anything. its my blog so if in any case, you decide that i'm typing about bullshit again, leave. :)

the globe commercial is right... a lot can happen in a matter of seconds. you can fall in love, get your heart broken, fight with someone, kill someone, hate someone or even discover something great. unfortunately, other people can just seize to notice all of that... its sad... oh wait.. its not... its annoying really! i mean you invite someone to something and all you do is talk about something that's as foreign as chemistry to her. i mean, that rocks for you guys since you're all in the same boat but lets face it... it sucks for the person who's drowning outside. fortunately, i had a fall-back place... i might be insane by now if my friends weren't there. you want me to join in on your conversation? for what? i barely know the guy. you're talking about things that are out of my league... i was switching tables because i didn't know what i was supposed to say. yeah sure, maybe he is hot and shit but did he ever make a huge impact to the world? did he discover a cure for cancer? tell me if i'm missing something. one boy some of you haven't even met and you forget about your friend. yes... i can definitely see the love behind that. is that something you'd call tough love? "we ride together, we die together" "hoes over bros" my ass... i'm the only person who doesn't belong in your little table because i don't have a promdate? screw that. if making you forget that your friends exist is the sideeffect of having one then, i'd rather go to prom alone. god.. i come back after an hour and all you can tell me was sorry then you go back to your never ending conversation? yeah, that kinda defeats the purpose of your apology dear. i thought it would never happen but i guess i was wrong because for the first time ever, i wished that i never went out with you guys... i felt like i didn't know any of you. maybe i really don't. things change... people change... right? thanks for not leaving me alone to rot. bravo... you did an amazing job. sure... it was the best night of my life guys... we should do that again some time. :)

ciao

when you grow up, will you be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned? 8:31 AM

i'm really not in the mood to type right now but i wanna update so i'm gonna write a crappy entry.

the field trip was okay i guess. not the best field trip ever but it's definitely top 5. :) i bet the field trip would totally rock if it wasn't for our stupidass chem thing. the social answer sheet was okay. i actually paid attention to the tour guide guy because i wanted to get the answers so i'd totally be done with it. ms. culla's still mad so we have to satisfy her needs cos she still has the power to fail us for one whole quarter.

palace in the sky was totally lame. all we did there was measure and count tiles and crap. we didn't even get to take a lot of pictures!:( it was cool though, a pool shaped like a kidney.. who else can think of something cool like that? the weather totally rocked!it was so cold! i'd definitely want to build a palace there.

i think that out of the three places, the la salle museum was the best! it was so beautiful. everything in there was either an authentic throwback thing or a replica of one... though it was a little creepy being in a place where majority of the stuff are from dead people, i still think that it was the coolest.

the la mesa eco park was nice... after we did the whole chem worksheet thing, we just hung out. we took pictures near the pond and crap.

too tired to type more stuff.. ciao bella

when you grow up, will you be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned? 8:11 AM

Thursday, January 05, 2006

sometimes, no matter how hard you try to ignore the truth, you just have to face the fact that this stupidass life is totally unfair.

you try so hard to make something work but it never does. i guess this is really a sign that things aren't exactly working out... i mean, we can't even talk about stuff anymore. everything's such a huge secret. we can't even tell each other shallow stuff anymore. maybe its cos you have your new people and i have mine... its seriously frustrating... it's like everytime we talk, we never really say anything to each other. most of the time, i don't even get you anymore... i don't know if you're doing something wrong or if its like, i just choose not to understand you. it's like we're totally different. what used to be the stuff that held us together are tearing us apart. that kinda sucks cos of all the peple i've ever met in my entire life, you're one of the people who i thought was gonna rough it out with me... we tried but i guess even our best efforts aren't enough. maybe its just really not meant to be... i honestly don't know why i'm bitching about stuff... it doesn't matter anyway... i guess stuff just need a little getting used to. i learned something... knowing that things change doesn't make you smart... accepting the fact that things would never go back to normal does...

i was talking to rae the other day... god i miss her! what i love about rae is that no matter what, our friendship didn't change or anything...we're millions of miles apart but everytime i talk to her, its like she never left. we never grew apart or anything... it's like, we're still in the 6th grade. sure, we don't exactly speak that much anymore cos of the time difference plus its like, totally expensive and stuff but, everytime we get the chance to talk, we go all out. we have no secrets... when we feel like we're totally gonna bomb some test, exam or like, one whole quarter, we tell each other... we've been so used to each other that we don't even care if we sound yucky or if we did something completely shameful. i really do love her for really making an effort so we could talk. we're both usually broke and stuff but whenever we have money to spare, we call each other and crap like she was still living in cainta. she totally understands everything i'm going through and she never judges me or anything. she's always there to listen to me rant and rave about stuff... she never leaves me hangin'. i miss rae!!! i want her to come back!

resolution:
find something or someone worth fighting for... :)

my sister's leaving for the U.S. in few days. after high school, she might adopt me or something... the master plan is that she'd go and work there and stuff. i don't want her to go but it's not like i can do anything to stop her. if everythingpushes through, it'll be byebye philippines for me in like, 2 years or something...

SHOUT OUT! :)
babe, i know you're hurting and i know that i can't do anything to take away the pain but if you need someone to talk to, i'm always here. that'll never change. don't worry... it'll get better... stop crying... you're too beautiful to hide behind that stupidass piece of cloth. :)

when you grow up, will you be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned? 6:14 AM

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