Sunday, January 08, 2006
craaaaaaaaaap! i'm still cramming everything. too much stuff to do! so little time! ciao bella!
shout out!
i have no idea how other people got sucked into this... dear, i swear to god i say all of this with all my love for you... i never shut down because of anything that happened between me and him. i admit, i might have been bitter about the stupid thing for a few weeks but that ended when martina told me to stop bitching because he is so not worth that... i'm bitter? dude, as of now, i don't really take note of who he likes or dislikes, i don't check out his crush's blog and most importantly, i actually talk to him. i'm bitter? you can't even talk to or last i heard, even just look at *****... i'm sorry if i sound really mean. i really don't want to be mean to you.
but those people aren't really the main topic so i should stop talking about them now. i love you, i swear i do! i stopped talking to you cos i was so sick of you not talking to me. you're telling me that i suddenly stopped being normal? think about it man... i told you everything. from beginning to end, you knew what went down. the question is, did you do the same? you're giving me a speech about how i never talk to you guys anymore? and that you were all alone and you had no one to talk to so you found new friends? i would have been there for you honey, but the thing is, you never even considered running to me. if you only tried to, then mabe you'd know that i'd never turn you down no matter what i was going through. you totally knew when everything that happened to me began... i'm not even sure i can say the same about you... you don't know why you and ******n can surpass anything? uhh... maybe its because you actually trust her with stuff. maybe you don't tell her everything but you actually tell her something. i know its your prerogative to tell your shit to whoever you want to but... dude, it sucks that i have to solve riddles just to know what's actually happening to you. you don't get it. i don't know when we started drifting apart but when we did, it happened big time. i swear, it was like we were oceans apart. you just suddenly stopped talking so i stopped listening. maybe it was unfair for me to expect more from you when we grew closer but, i dunno... i just thought that you would eventually trust me... i guess i was asking too much and i know i shouldn't have. i was especially pissed at you when you could reveal to the world that you had a promdate and shit and you couldn't even tell me that, i swear that hurt because i thought even that minimal info, you could've entrusted me with that but i guess i was getting ahead of myself again. you text me something and when i ask you about it, you suddenly decide not to say anything? that sucks... that was right through the heart...
we're not like we were 3 years ago because we changed. i admit i am at fault for most of the things that happened but how do you expect me to trust someone who doesn't trust me? i'm sorry if i ruined your evening. i swear, it wasn't my intention. i mean, lets face it, my bitchfit didn't really affect your night right? i'm sorry. i never meant to hurt you or anything but it sucks to pretend that everything's fine when they're really not. maybe you're right... maybe this isn't exactly the best way to resolve this. maybe we should just talk about it or something... i dunno... in any case, this'll be last hirit about the whole thing. i don't want this thing to get any worse cos i don't wanna lose you so...
I'M REALLY REALLY SORRY. ACCEPT MY SINCEREST APOLOGY. DESPITE EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENING, I STILL LOVE YOU AND WHATEVER HAPPENS, EVEN IF THIS THING DOESN'T GET FIXED, I WILL STILL LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE MY FRIEND. :)
I LOVE YOU DANICA AMANDA DANS LOPEZ
